Saturday, July 31, 2010

A Saturday chat

hello

it is a little bit a sad Saturday afternoon
because of the weather

yes a Dutch summer!

exactly !
A good day to edit pictures on the computer !

or to clean the house!

oh my G.
clean the house...
I hate to clean the house

me too. but the real estate gods insist

Ooooh yes, it MUST be clean for the potential buyers
And VERY important
take care the house smells very nice and sweet

what a bloody lot of work it is!

if you had to change the tire of your limousine, I would offer to come and help you, but cleaning the house....
:)

ha ha
i'm going to take a break to read the paper. i can only do so many hours of hard labor at a time :-)

of course ! What do they think ?
But remember to buy aroma
they do the same at places selling cars
they have a special spray can
and make the car smell "new"
with houses it is the same

i have some lemongrass from thailand.
i wish i could buy a flavor of apple pie or baking bread.
think they have that?

a good smell works on the subconscious and make potential victim more soft
ask the real estate agent what smell works best

apple pie works, i've heard

if there is a smell of apple pie you can achieve ANYTHING of a visitor

lol

they move in instantly

and pay any price!

you see !
just for an apple pie !!

we are all suckers!

depends: you know how to bake an apple pie ?

oh no. i'm not a very good baker!

So how did you manage to get married ?????????????

my charm and my excellent career prospects! :-)

in Dutch they have an expression: love passes through the stomic
liefde gaat door de maag
that means that if a woman is a good cook, she receives love from the man

they have a similar one in English. all written by men of course

hahaha
how is the English expression ?

the way to a man's heart is through his stomach

now that we think of it: what a nonsense !!!
my last girl friend was an excellent cook

very shortsighted of you to give her up :-)

dammit
too late now
had a peanut butter sandwich for lunch
like prison food
all the result of shortsightedness

yes, i was just skyping with Tony and telling him that i'm eating horribly now because he's gone and i'm too lazy to cook well for myself

you see how we suffer ?

it's a downright shame!

the other day therefore I went to Sushi King
bought a Kento box
€ 18,50
this is not right, Joanna !

tsjonge jongen. echt goedkoop is het niet!
it is: bento box

From who did you inherit your great sense of humour ?

my rake of a father

what a coincidence
my father was a comedian disguised as an engineer
he was specialized in doing magic tricks that went wrong
now don't say that I am an example of one of his performances

lol
i saw a really charming movie yesterday by Jacques Tati, "The Illusionist". Very sweet

Really ? I saw the 800 meters running for women from Barcelona: the European Championships. It was like watching a show in a nightclub
they are dressed to go go dance these days, Joanna !

LMAO!

excuse my ignorance but what means LMAO ?

ah, it means that i'm laughing my a$$ off :-)

ohhhhhhh: be careful !
you better keep it there

it's true, i need it

if only for sitting comfortably
and go go dance of course

but of course

well, the house ain't getting cleaner

no. but tomorrow's another day. i've gotta run, have a good day!

watch it: the same to you

Friday, July 30, 2010

To make history of the historian

It was a gorgeous day in Amsterdam yesterday.
A bright sky, warm sunshine and very clear light.
A day making it impossible to be down or sad.
Only happiness could fill the heart.

In the morning a long meeting with a man who is graduating to become a photography art historian.
For this he needs to study one particular photographer who is of importance.
To eventually publish a paper on the work of that photographer.

It was the second interview with this art historian to be.
He had been studying the books that have been published until now and had many questions particularly about the sequences.
Background stories, motivations, philosophy, intentions.

In about three months his paper will be published.
Possibly as a book.
And therefore, as the subject of the study, the issue arises whether the job is done and all is history or that it is just a stage and much more is to come.

It is realized that it is all a matter of what comes up in the mind.
How it wants to be seen.
If the feeling dominates it is all history: it will be history.
And nothing will be added anymore to the current body of work.

But if the feeling is that the paper of the art historian is only a snapshot of the current stage the work is in, an opening is made to be able to make much more work.

Therefore, the job is to make history of the historian.




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Thursday, July 29, 2010

Phoenix in Photography

A time of transition approaching.
The house that was home for the last five weeks will be changed for another place to live.
Suitcases must be packed therefore and it is goodbye to another living room, another bed room, another neighborhood.
And goodbye to the two cats.
Who came in every evening to be of cozy company.
Who even liked to share the bed when it was possible.

Meanwhile the work goes on full speed.
Producing the photo book of the project "The most beautiful people in the world".
And everything that is related to it.

Yesterday a heavy disappointment.
The photo editor of an important weekly magazine in the Netherlands was met and she saw the dummy of the new book.
She was enthusiastic and decided to make a publication of the images and texts in her magazine.
On eighth pages: therefore an important and serious publication.
However, she said she had to talk to the editor in chief and get his approval.
One week later she called up.
The whole thing was canceled.
The editor in chief did not want "The most beautiful people in the world" to be published in his magazine.
In spite of the enthusiasm of the photo editor.
He had two reasons to refuse publication:
  1. "The most beautiful people in the world" is not journalistic enough,
  2. and in his opinion too many people in the project give as a reason for their beauty God or Allah.

Of course, an editor in chief is entitled to have his opinion.
Whether the project is journalistic enough or not, is a matter of debate.
But to say that too many people in the project give as a reason for their beauty God or Allah is completely ridiculous.
Because they are 6 out 98.

But the editor in chief is the boss and decides and even the photo editor had to accept the decision.

The disappointment was deep.
And especially painful because the motivation was experienced as terribly flawed.
Therefore the emotion was shared with the dear and wise friend.
And she said:
in life it is not about the success you have; more important is how many setbacks you have gloriously overcome with a smile.



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Wednesday, July 28, 2010

The sea on the land











Life is not easy for artists in the Netherlands.
The economy is recovering but the people are still hesitant to spend money freely on things like buying art.
The Government is cutting back drastically on its spending, and this for years to come to balance the budget, and of course subsidies for artists are the first to go.

So the artists that survive in those barren circumstances are the ones who somehow find a solution to make a living.
Like many artists in the USA, nowadays we see more and more creative people in Europe that have become part-time artists.
They paint or make sculptures or make fine art photographs but have an ordinary job on the side to make money.

Like the painter Emmy Rooden.
She works as a secretary for the public administration of her town two days a week.
And the rest of the time she makes her art work in her atelier.



Although Emmy Rooden lives in a town far from the sea, her theme and subject is exactly that.
Anything that is related to the sea.
As if she has a desire for the sea and because it is too far away to put her feet into it, she compensates this by painting the sea and the fish and the light houses.

Her paintings have a certain clarity.
An optimism.
A happiness.
Exactly as she looks herself.












.++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

To see more of the work of Emmy Rooden, go to:
http://www.emmyrooden.com



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the flowing river

In Amsterdam not far from the Central Railway Station, they have built a huge edifice that houses the Public Library.


Outside, the building is not designed in a spectacular way.
The architect has been modest.
But coming inside, every first time visitor is stunned.
Because it is so beautifully designed.
Immediately when the enormous entrance space is entered, a specific feeling takes hold of the visitor.
Of feeling special.
Of being treated well.
These feelings are helped by a man playing the piano.
And by the generosity of the place.
Everywhere tables with iMacs and free Internet.
And thousands and thousands of books.

It is a totally relaxed atmosphere and everybody is peaceful and calm.
There is no security noticeable: no men in uniforms, no security gates.

The concept they used for this public library is to have it multi functional.
In front of the edifice is a terrace where they serve Italian food.
And on the roof is a good self service restaurant and one can eat there sitting outside and overlook Amsterdam.

This special place was the location for a dinner with a special person.
Now that life recently has become one without a special connection, almost by itself opportunities happen to meet new friends.
And this goes in a very simple and natural way.
A friend was met who was with a friend.
During the first conversation obviously a special connection was made and therefore phone numbers were exchanged.
Resulting in a visit and a dinner.

The edifice, so beautiful, reflected on that meeting.
Although not knowing each other at all, within a very short time the most delicate things of the personal life were shared.
And the wonderful thing was that it all happened in an atmosphere of instantly arisen harmony.
In that context the sharing became a step in the process of personal growth.
Of learning, by sharing, to deal with particular things found floating in the river of life.
To see the relativity and the temporality of what are experienced as issues hard to handle.
To become able to float freely again without being blocked.

In Dutch is a wonderful expression:

"Gedeelde smart, is halve smart".

Which means: pain that is shared, halves.
Sharing lovingly the intimacies of life with a special person results in more than halving.
The river flows flawlessly.






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Monday, July 26, 2010

A soup with different tastes






In the Netherlands have been elections recently.
People can choose from many different political parties.
To represent them in the Parliament.
The House of Representatives.

After these recent elections the following political parties are in the Dutch Parliament that has 150 seats.

The VVD, a right wing liberal party with 31 seats.
The PvdA, a mild socialist party with 30 seats.
The PVV, a right wing anti-muslim party with 24 seats.
The CDA, a Christian center party with 21 seats.
The Socialist Party, a left wing party with 15 seats.
The D66 party, a center liberal party with 10 seats.
The GroenLinks party, a left wing environmental party with 10 seats.
The ChristenUnie party, a conservative Christian party with 5 seats.
The Partij voor de Dieren party, a political party mainly defending animal rights with 2 seats.
The Staatkundig Gereformeerde Partij, an ultra orthodox Christian party with 2 seats.

Because there are so many political parties without one having the majority, a Government can only be made when two or more political parties come to an agreement.
They have to compromise and merge somehow their political targets and principles.
This means that after elections, political parties start negotiating and this process is controlled by the Queen of the Netherlands.
She decides who will be in charge to invite certain political parties to start negotiating.



This method has two consequences.
First, it can be a lengthy process.
If political parties ordered by the Queen to talk to each other cannot come to agreements because they don't want to make compromises, fearing to disappoint their electorate too much who might then not vote for that party next time anymore, it ends in a dead end street.
And a new combination of political parties is ordered to talk and see if they can come to a compromise.
In Belgium, where they have a same system of making a Government, the country has been without a Government sometimes for over a year.
All that time political parties were talking and unable to come to a compromise.

The other consequence of this system is that a Government has never a one sided political program to rule from.
The agenda of a Government is always a mixture of plans and intentions depending on what kind of political parties came to a compromise.
It is like a soup with different tastes.
One spoonful is tomato soup.
One spoonful is bean soup.
Often it is said this is not good for a country.
When a dictator is in charge, like Hugo Chavez in Venezuela or Raul Castro on Cuba, they have a monochrome policy.
A very clear one way strategy how to run the country.

But in the end it all doesn't matter too much.
The Netherlands, in spite of its many political parties and the Government policies based on compromises, is a prosperous country.
It is rich, many people are well to do and the trains run on time.
Yes, fervent and loyal blog readers, we may wonder why a country like the Netherlands has in fact elections, a Parliament and a Government.
They could probably run it much better as a company.
By making every citizen a share holder having a vote which persons are elected in the board of the company.
Holland Inc.
And in the boardroom the Queen can serve the coffee.


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Young love

A huge surprise!

Just now a letter was received from the very first girlfriend.
Who was the loved one in 1968 at the age of 19.

The letter included three images.
She had kept carefully.

It is unknown who made those pictures.
They may have been made with the camera on a tripod and remote control.
Also not available in the memory anymore is where those pictures were made.
But what is still in the memory, as if it was yesterday, is how it felt to have her in the arms.













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Saturday, July 24, 2010

The visitor is a discoverer

Instead of a story that makes the fervent and loyal blog readers cry or laugh, today it is an announcement that is made.

Yesterday the new website of the photo project "The most beautiful people in the world" opened.



It is designed by award winning designer Teun van der Heijden.

The new website shows the pictures and texts that will be in the book that comes out the end of August.


But in an interactive way: the website is designed so that the visitor becomes a discoverer.
By clicking, a way into the project is found and things are learned in a surprising manner.
It is exciting to see the results of the photo project "The most beautiful people in the world" with this method: an idea of Teun van der Heijden.

The new website also has the option now to order a free copy of the photo book of the photo project "The most beautiful people in the world".
There is a page with explanation and instructions.
Also the "Deluxe"-edition of the photo book can be ordered from this page.

Therefore, all fervent and loyal blog readers immediately leave this blog and they go to:

http://www.themostbeautifulpeople.org




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Friday, July 23, 2010

Optimal optimism

A dear friend, bright and beautiful, sent yesterday a pamphlet.
To cheer up probably.
Because life is a little difficult now that the concept of being together with someone has changed to being with no one.
And this the dear friend and many others know and they all do a lot so that the sun is seen shining again.



The pamphlet is called "The Optimist Creed" and is published by "Optimist International".
An American organization based in Missouri.
Promoting itself with these words:

"Optimist International is an association of more than 2,900 Optimist Clubs around the world dedicated to "Bringing Out the Best in Kids."
Adult volunteers join Optimist Clubs to conduct positive service projects in their communities aimed at providing a helping hand to youth.
With their upbeat attitude, Optimist Club members help empower young people to be the best that they can be.
Each Optimist Club determines the needs of the young people in its community and conducts programs to meet those needs. Every year, Optimists conduct 65,000 service projects and serve well over six million young people."

Back to the pamphlet "The optimist Creed".
It asks to promise yourself 10 things.
That's a lot!
How to even remember all of those 10 promises?
And then, how realistic are they?

Promise 1.
To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

Promise 2.
To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.

Promise 3.
To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.

Promise 4.
To look at the sunny side of everything and to make your optimism come true.

Promise 5.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.

Promise 6.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

Promise 7.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

Promise 8.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.

Promise 9.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

Promise 10.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

Be aware, fervent and loyal blog readers, these are promises.
Not ten commandments.
And be also aware that if you manage to 100 % live these promises and you manage to completely fulfill them, you are a Zen Master, an angel and Barack Obama, all in one person.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

To learn more about Optimist International, click on:

http://www.optimist.org/






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Thursday, July 22, 2010

Paradise found

The house in Amsterdam, the Netherlands, currently lodged in is near a park.
It is the famous "the Vondelpark" in the centre of the city.
Comparable to "Central Park" in New York.

Named after a famous Dutch poet, originally it was an estate of a rich family.
It was donated to the city of Amsterdam to be a public park.
And the family had another condition.
It had to be a park where dogs could walk freely.
In other parks, by law, dogs need to be on a leash.
But not in the Vondelpark.
People come from far with their dogs and let them run around completely free.
This makes happy dogs and it is a joy to see them running and playing feeling so happy to be liberated from the leash.
They do meet, the dogs, and because they are in a park and not on their home territory and because they are not on a leash they handle the situation very well.
They sniff each other and pirouette but rarely they fight.

The other remarkable aspect of the Vondelpark is that in Summer time people go there to sunbath.
They take blankets, foods and drinks, and find a place near one of the many lakes.
Contrary to other countries, alcohol is not forbidden in the park.
Nor marijuana.
Therefore often one can see people sitting on a blanket eating food and drinking wine or beer.
Or a group of people sitting peacefully passing around a joint.

It is also common to see people take a sunbath.
In the Vondelpark nudity therefore is common too.
There are people sunbathing naked and women topless.

There is a liberal atmosphere in the Vondelpark.
Not only the dogs feel free but the people too.
And there is no police around.
Only when something serious happens and they are called, they come.
But normally, in spite of the alcohol and drugs consumption and the nudity, the park is very peaceful.

Except for the planes passing overhead.
For economic reasons airplanes are allowed to pass over the city of Amsterdam at low altitudes to land at the international Schiphol airport.
Being peaceful in the park is therefore relative.
The planes make great noise.
This happens only when the wind is from the east.
If the wind is from any other direction, planes approach the airport with a different route.
And the park is a paradise.



Wednesday, July 21, 2010

The most happy man in the world

In March 2005 the photo project "The most beautiful people in the world" was performed in San Francisco, USA.
Advertisements had been published in the San Francisco Chronicle asking people to respond when they believed they were the most beautiful people in the world.



Assistant Raphael Daly had a motorbike and together the city was crossed at high speeds to go to the houses of the people that were the most beautiful.
One of them was a 45 year old home furnishing designer by the name of Marvin Gerard Onley.
A very nice guy and therefore the whole day was spent with him.
And like with many people that were documented for the photo project "The most beautiful people in the world", infrequent contact continued by e-mail.



At the time, in 2005, Marvin had a partner.
Who was from Amsterdam, Holland, living and working there.
So they were together only for periods of time.
In this way they had a relationship for 19 years.
Until a few years ago, Marvin decided to just go for it.
He subleased his San Francisco apartment and emigrated to the Netherlands.
To live with his partner.
All the way.

Quite a move in life at the age of 48, one could say.
It is a demonstration of being flexible and courageous and a strong belief in love.

Last night was dinner with Marvin in the beautiful "First Class" restaurant of the Central Railway Station of Amsterdam.
A reunion after not meeting for five years.
And this warmth and friendship and closeness that was felt five years ago spending the day with him in San Francisco was instantly there again.



Now Marvin works as a consultant in an Amsterdam body care products shop.
Only part time because he wants to enjoy life too.
And this in the Netherlands is possible: with a part time job, sharing costs by living together, one needs to work only part time to have enough income.
And the other essential thing is that Marvin could get documents to legally live and work in Europe.

Marvin is a happy fellow.
The most beautiful man in the world.




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Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Birthing a book

This is a life totally opposite to the one in Mexico.
Hell, here it is work.
Going from appointment to the next.
On the phone.
Communicating by e-mail and Skype.
From six in the morning until eleven at night.
This is birthing a book.
That is a complex undertaking with many aspects.

In Mexico life is by impulse.
Doing what every moment comes up in the mind to do.
But here it is by schedule.
Deadlines.
Agreements.

It is very interesting to make and market a book.
The greatest is to work together with other people.
The interaction is inspiring, motivating and a tremendous pleasure.

From experience though the awareness is vivid that all this is just a temporary thing.
That after the book is ready, possibly a large black hole awaits.
That the life so peaceful and relaxed in Mexico, suddenly will seem boring.
With not much going on.
Until matters have calmed down and inner peace and harmony has been regained.


For now it is very likely that the black hole will not in be in front to fall in for some time to come.
The project "The most beautiful people in the world" will ask attention and involvement for months to come.
And a new major project has already appeared on the horizon.

For the time to come, the Mexican pelicans must patrol the shoreline by themselves.



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The way she is

When meeting a person there is an osmose of beings.
A merging of the performances of personalities.
A mixing of characters.

More simply, a meeting between two people is about liking each other.
Or not.
Or a lot.
Or more or less.

But sometimes it is not that simple.
Because the other person has an effect that the own usual presentation is disrupted.
The other person causing nervousness.
Creating feelings of insecurity.

Last night this happened.
She invited to have dinner in her place.
A dear friend for several years now.




On the way to her home her text message was received announcing she had made banana soup.
Banana soup, banana soup, what the hell is banana soup ?
That was where the feelings of insecurity already started.
Was she making a joke ?
Because she knew how highly the vegetarian quiche had been appreciated on the last visit.
And that this was mentioned when the current date was made.
But it was going to be something more exotic then ?

She was dressed in tight blue jeans.
No shoes with her toenails painted red.
A silver Indian chain around her ankle.
A tight white tank top revealing enough of back and belly.
No make up and the hair naturally curled in abundance.

And indeed banana soup was served.
A Caribbean recipe.
A rich soup with not only bananas, but also pumpkin and potatoes.
No reason to whine about a quiche.

And this woman makes nervous.
Stirs up insecurity.
Makes it feel like walking on a gigantic ice cube.
Has helplessness come to the surface.
Directions lost.
Routines down the drain.
Causing stuttering, sweating and trembling.
Making a total disaster of who one is.

And it is not because of the tight blue jeans and the white tank top.
That is just the dressing.
It is because of the way she is.
Her charisma.
Her personality.
The way she carries herself.
The way she exists as a woman.

It is an extremely strong presentation she makes.
A demonstration of adulthood, wisdom and love seldom met.
It makes a man a sandcastle on the beach and she is the wave.

Indeed, it comes close to being intimidated.
Of feeling inferior to someone superior.
Superior in being.
In handling the different things in life.
The professional and the amateur.

She is invited to return the visit.
To come to the house and enjoy a dinner specially cooked for her.
But what to cook for such a Goddess?
Manna with vanilla ice cream?



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Sunday, July 18, 2010

Home in the heart in the home

There used to be dreams about houses.
Rather desperate dreams.
About not being able to find a home to stay.
About checking out houses to settle in.
And always there was desperateness in those dreams.
A feeling of being unable to really settle and live permanently in one particular house.
Because it was experienced in those dreams that such a house could not be found.

At the time, the Queen of Dreams had interesting things to say about those dreams.
Wise words that stopped the panic and the desperation each night a similar dream had been on show.
They mostly vanished.

But now something remarkable has happened.
There are dreams now that are about houses and for the first time there is a feeling of comfort.
It is not exactly a "home" feeling but more one of contentment, comfort and peace.
Very nice to feel and it makes waking up and realizing the dream a great pleasure.

There is wonderment now why suddenly after many years the dreams have drastically changed.
Maybe for this:
recently in life, there was a big change.
Because of their lustful liaison the Queen of Dreams transformed into the Queen of Screams and the Pioneering Photographer into a Pious Pester.
Therefore, eventually and recently, an end was made to the rough romance.
Suddenly life again was without a shoulder to lean on.
Nobody around to share the shedding and drying of tears and the outbursts of joy and happiness.
The orgasm back to an event like the mosquito landing on the skin after it used to be the trumpeting of a herd of elephants.

But the disengagement returned liberty.
No more whining and complaining and the bed all for oneself.
Now, even the dishes can be washed later.

Obviously, regaining this freedom changed the nature of the dreams.
Living a truly personal life is appreciated by the sub-consciousness that outputs dreams now with a homecoming feeling.

Home is in the heart again.



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Saturday, July 17, 2010

Friday, July 16, 2010

Moth her !!!

In order to produce the photo book of "The most beautiful people in the world" a house in Amsterdam, the Netherlands, had to be temporarily rented.
One was found very near the center.
From a colleague photographer who is spending time in Bali these days.
A large space with on one side a sitting room and the other side the dining room.


A kitchen, bathroom, toilet and a large bedroom.
There is a garden too.


And in this garden is a building in which a large office space and a daylight photo studio.



It is an ideal lodging costing € 900 / $ 1,165 for 5 weeks.
That includes all costs.

It is an excellent place to work.
But it has one major disadvantage.
The colleague, the woman who actually lives in this place, before going to Bali, has put all over the house mothballs.
This to protect her many clothes and the Persian rugs on the bedroom floor.



Mothballs have a very strong smell.
They contain naphtalene and dichlorobenzene: chemicals that have a strong and pungent odor.
Their vapor is so powerful it kills the moths.

They affect people too.
If a large quantity of mothballs is in a living area, people will suffer of serious respiratory problems.

Entering the house, the strong odor of the mothballs immediately made breathing difficult.
And it was a surprise: when the house was visited when the colleague was still there, to arrange the deal, no smell of mothballs was in the house.
Obviously, just before the owner took off to Bali, she placed the mothballs all around in the house.
Even underneath the Persian carpets.

It was simply impossible to be in the spaces with this naphtalene and dichlorobenzene vapors around.
Immediately all windows had to be opened.
And a hunt for the mothballs to find them to put them in a plastic bag dumped in the garbage container.

But even today, three weeks in this house, the smell of the mothballs is still there.
And the question is what the naphtalene and dichlorobenzene is doing to the health.

A friend who heard this story was indignant.
He was amazed that a person rents out for good money an apartment and then gases it with mothballs just before leaving.
The friend recommended to do the same.
To put fresh, new mothballs all over the place just before leaving.
To give the owner a taste of being a moth.



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Thursday, July 15, 2010

An English interview



This week the international quarterly journal of photographic art and practice "AG magazine" was published.
This is a magazine that is produced in the United Kingdom.



In the current Summer issue, a portfolio of the work of the pioneering photographer is published.

With this portfolio comes an interview: the questions by author/photographer Mick Davidson.
Published now on this blog also:

What and who influences your work?

My work results of a state of mind and heart.
Therefore the influence on the mind and heart decides how the work has content and form.

This influence on the mind and heart comes from persons that are in my life, books that I read, films that I see, experiences that I have, etc

This explains how over the years the work has changed and evolved.
Because being open to people and to anything that is expressed by others, results in a constant process of learning and growing.

Besides many friends and partners in life, one most vital and fundamental influence has been and is Osho.


How have you arrived at your current working methodology?

In fact I use a working methodology I developed in the early 70's.
The methodology is to make on the one hand autonomous conceptual photography that is presented almost exclusively in the art environment like museums.
And to make on the other hand autonomous photo documentary projects that are presented on popular platforms like magazines.
This methodology is deliberately applied in order to reach the widest audience possible.
And to be able to explore and practice as a photographer the different approaches needed to reach effectively the specific audiences.


What are you trying to achieve with your work and how close to achieving it are you?

The goal is to use photography as a tool to become and remain flexible in experiencing reality.
To avoid to think in dogmas and doctrines and to be open to new perspectives and insights.
As a process for myself.
But most importantly also to share this with the widest audience possible.
This policy I have with my work is effective.



How does the environment affect your work?

In the autonomous conceptual photography the location where the work is made is very important.
It is carefully selected to be able to work in peace and harmony.
And to be able to make work that can make the point that is intended for myself and for the audience.
With the autonomous photo documentary projects the environment is always a part of the participants in the project.
And therefore enforcing what they have to communicate through the autonomous documentary project.


How does the way you live affect your work?

I live to work.
Which is to be creative with photography.
Therefore, the way I live is decided by how it can make being creative with photography the most optimal.
For example, to be in good physical condition by controlling eating and drinking, by doing daily physical excercises and meditation helps very much being more effective in being creative with photography.

How does technology affect your work and your thinking?

Very much so.
I believe we are very fortunate to live in a time with major technological innovations.
That we can use to be more and better creative.
The introduction of digital photography has been a tremendous blessing.
The same for Internet.
In my case it opened up so many more possibilities to be creative.

How will your work evolve in the future?

This is an invitation to speculation.
Right now I am most interested in my autonous photo documentary work.
And am working on different projects with great pleasure and good results.
However, concerning the autonomous conceptual photography, I believe that this is a field where no innovation is possible anymore.
Anything that is made in that field is a repetition or a variation on what has already been made.
I believe that autonomous conceptual photography has been researched and explored to the most far ends and that nothing truly original can be discovered there anymore.
As I am not interested in persiflage, copying, imitating and making variations and therefore being mediocre, I have left this field of autonomous conceptual photography and enjoy myself deeply with my projects in the field of autonomous photo documentary work.
And expect to continue in this way.




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The way to heaven

Recently a new friend was made.
She came to the opening of the current exhibition in an Amsterdam photo gallery.
A person with an appearance that initiates wondering.
A charisma attracting attention.
Excellent reasons to connect.

And then some time later, in a message, she writes:
I wonder how to walk the road of love.

This is like a Zen statement.
A question that is impossible to answer with the purpose to neutralize the thinking.
Because, who on earth can explain how to walk the road of love?
Nobody in this world and therefore plenty of preachers, psychologists, guru's and other charlatans offer what they say is the only and true answer.
To get people into a religion and a church.
To charge them hard earned money for the psychotherapeutic session.
To make them pay for the Rolls Royces and diamond watches.
Or to confuse them with pseudo truths.

Besides making fabulous music, Madonna also writes most interesting texts.
Full of wisdom.
And she had something to say concerning the question of the new friend.
In her song "Don't tell me".
Where she sings:

Tell me love isn't true
It's just something that we do
Tell me everything I'm not but
please don't tell me to stop


What we can learn from this text is that we should not wonder about such things like how to walk the road of love.
And to simply walk the road without wondering.

There is a similar thing with walking in general.
We walk and don't think about how exactly we manage to walk.
As soon as we focus on the walking, how this precisely is going, we very likely will stumble and fall.

There are lots of things in life we better not wonder about.
Because wondering about certain things means we sabotage and blockade them.
The spontaneity disappears.
The things can't go by themselves anymore.
The natural flow is seriously disturbed.

Therefore it seems that the friend should discover that the key to walk the road of love is to just not wonder about it.
And how to stop wondering?
Just fall in love, don't think and let it go.
That's the way to heaven.



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Tuesday, July 13, 2010

it will win

The whole city of Amsterdam upside down.
Because eleven guys who lost a final of soccer came to be celebrated.

Appointments during the day in different parts of the city were different.
The good thing was that trams and buses were free to use.
A generous gift for the population because a ride in the tram costs approximately € 2 or $ 2.55
But several lines of trams and buses that are crossing normally the centre of the city were annulled.
Only driving a bicycle or walking were options to get somewhere.

Meanwhile a stream of people dressed in orange were walking to a large square in the centre of the city of Amsterdam.
The Museum Plein.
Eventually the eleven soccer players would appear there on a stage to be applauded and honored.

Not far from this Museum Plein is the current lodging and it was reached before everything was coming to a standstill in the city.
From the window many people in orange could be seen heading for the big square.
And the question arose whether to interrupt the work and go as well.
To have a look and feel the excitement.
To be together with 200.000 people cheering.

In the end, priority was given to the work that was urgent to do.
And this was an easy choice.
With the project "The most beautiful people in the world" it is going like a roller coaster.
Soon the new website will open and the book can be ordered.
Distribution and publicity is being organized now.
Responses are positive and the whole project is growing and growing.
"The most beautiful people in the world" is also in a final like the soccer team from the Netherlands.
But there is one big difference: it will win.


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a losing winner

It is an embarrassing situation in the Netherlands.
Today the national soccer team returns from South Africa to receive a heroes welcome.
While they lost.
Nevertheless they go to meet the Prime Minister.
And then they go to the palace to meet the Queen of the Netherlands.
After, they go to the city of Amsterdam to go by boat through the canals and to end up on a large square where hundreds of thousands of people will cheer them.
All this for a bunch of losers.
Who lost in a most degrading way.
By becoming violent and aggressive in the field.
One Dutch player got a red card and was sent out of the field.
But most of them aggressed the Spanish in intolerable ways.
Obviously because they couldn't win by simply playing football.
What the Spanish did.
And this in a superior way.
The Dutch noticing they were inferior therefore tried to win by being mean and foul.

The next day in the major Dutch newspaper "De Telegraaf" the headline was:
"They fought like lions".
And this is the general opinion in the country.
They did their best but by chance they lost.
Very few want to see the truth like the foreign press is writing: the Dutch team was inferior and compensated by playing destructive and damaging football.

Nevertheless, the Dutch players are getting a heroes welcome.
But one newspaper wrote that there is a similarity between the Dutch soccer team failing badly and be honored anyway and what happened in the banking world.
The economic crises was caused by bankers who did get high bonuses nevertheless.

A friend works in an office building along a canal where this afternoon the Dutch soccer team will pass by in a boat.
He plans to put a huge banner outside.
With one word only:

L O S E R S


Because if you lose, don't pretend to be a winner.




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Saturday, July 10, 2010

techno time





In a city like Amsterdam, that is very old, history can be seen from the way houses were build.
Each epoch had its own style of architecture.

Buy another force imposed its presence on houses in Amsterdam.
Not related to fashion, taste and culture.
The technical revolutions that washed over the city.

Like in the houses build in the 1800's.
At the time, electrical light didn't exist in buildings.
Houses were lighted by natural gas.
Like the Coleman lamp used for camping now: a socket into which natural gas is blown and lighted.
In houses pipes were guided to the ceiling from which gas lamps were hanging.
And in some houses in Amsterdam those pipes for natural gas can still be seen.

And one can see that electricity came to the houses later.
The metal pipes in which were the wires covered by cotton were put on the walls later.
Not inside the walls during the construction of the house like in more modern buildings.

History can also be seen in Amsterdam houses from the way they were heated.
Originally people used stoves and therefore needed chimneys and fireplaces.
This system for heating was used even in the 1930's and 1940's.
Only after the Second World War central heating was introduced and chimney's and smoke canals were not needed anymore.
Therefore one can see in rooms in older Amsterdam houses the locations where the heaters once were put.
Like in the house currently used.
In the large living room two chimney canals can be seen and the two openings for coal or gas heaters.





Some day even the central heating and its radiators may not be needed anymore.
And what about the electrical light as we know now?
Maybe a house in the future has heat and light radiating from the walls and ceiling.
You may laugh.
As they did when electricity was introduced for the first time...




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Friday, July 9, 2010

kiss ass

When a child is born it has no rights yet on its body.
It is the total property of the parents.
And for good reasons.
A child does not know yet how to take care of the body.
How to feed it.
How to clean it.
How to please it.

So the parents give it food.
The parents bath the child.
The parents apply a diaper after cleaning the baby's bottom.
And they tickle it under the chin.

A young child therefore has no physical privacy.
And no personal connection yet with the body.
It is not in baby's hands but in Daddy's and Mommy's.

Growing up step by step the body becomes the property of the child.
The parents want to make it more easy for themselves and teach and instruct how for example the child can eat independently.
But the parents keep on having the exclusivity of access to the child's body.
When it is naughty, a parent might uncover the child's bottom and serve a good spanking.

When the child becomes adolescent it starts to turn away from the parents and look for an independent life with an own personality.
To emphasize this development the adolescent slowly takes the free access to the body away from the parents.
Bathing for example becomes a private activity with the bathroom door closed and locked.

But the fact that for years the body has been the exclusive property of the parents is deep into the psychological system of the person.
And can blockade a landing in the own personality.
It can become responsible for a girl to remain "daddy's darling".
Or "mother's pride" for the son.

To truly find one self and to really become an independent person one must disconnect from the remnants the parents have implanted: the body must become the total and undeniable property of the owning person only.

An excellent way to achieve this is through sexuality with a partner.
Because then the exclusivity of the access to the body by the parents can be broken.

For example, many people introduce in their sexuality with a partner a light form of spanking.
They enjoy and become excited when the partner spanks the bare bottom.
This has a lot of meaning because it is now not only the father or the mother who was doing this in the life of the protagonist, but by allowing a partner to do the same, the parents become members of a club.
They are not the only ones anymore and therefore spanking changes from something only the father or the mother could do to an activity that is open and free.
Most important, it also has been transformed from a punishment of dramatic proportions when it was applied by the parents, to an activity that brings joy, excitement and satisfaction.

Another example is the anus.
Parents touch the child's anus to clean it during several years.
It is a part of the body that keeps one of the strongest ties to the parents.
Therefore, to really become independent and an individual, it is vital to bring the anus out of its isolation and introduce it into a relationship with a trusted partner.
For it to be touched, caressed, licked and penetrated to destroy the link it keeps with the parent.
And to find intense pleasure and satisfaction there after its status has been changed.

Persons who are in a relationship with sexual activity and limit the options available, are not really delivering themselves to the other person, to themselves and the situation.
They remain the daughter or the son of the parent and are unable to be a real independent person.
They keep the intimacy of the body for themselves.
Unable to share and to open because of the ties with the parents.
It is like the father and the mother are in between the person and the lover.
The person remains a child.
And limits the joy, satisfaction and pleasure for themselves and the partner.
Often unable therefore to have orgasms.

When one understands this principle of the necessity to break the link between a person and the parent on a physical level, an exciting prospect is waiting.
With the right partner the body and its options in sexuality can be explored.
The wildest fantasies can become reality.
Feelings of guilt, shame and shyness evaporate.
Pure satisfaction is found and orgasms like earthquakes.
One has changed from a child to an adult.
Bravo.



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Thursday, July 8, 2010

Paradise of welfare

Now in the Netherlands, during the last weeks two persons were met who had an incredible story to tell.
They were rather young, strong and talented women.
But both of them were not working a job to make a living.
Both of them were getting a monthly allowance from the Government of the Netherlands.
Enough to live in a nice apartment and have a relatively good and comfortable life.

Now, how can this be?

The first person told the story that she once had a boyfriend.
They split up and went each their own way.
She made a career in the IT-business, made a lot of money but had to work very hard.
Some years later this ex-boyfriend was murdered.
This upset her very much.
So much that she couldn't hold her job anymore.
Too stressed.
Too emotional.
Unable to work, the Government accepted and respected this and as of then she is getting a monthly allowance.
For some years now.
Because she still has mental and emotional problems and therefore unable to work.

The second person worked as a journalist for national television.
Doing well.
Successfull.
At the same time she had a relationship with a man.
But he was abusing her.
Not physically, but almost torturing her mentally.
She stayed in this horror full relationship for seven years.
Until she couldn't anymore.
She suffered a serious mental breakdown.
Became unable to work anymore.
She separated from the boyfriend and for two years now is trying to recuperate and have a normal life again.
Sponsored by the Government of the Netherlands.

This loyalty and humanism of a Government with their citizens is unheard of.
Only in a few countries in the world this is happening.
In oases of welfare.



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Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Business in Europe

A trip to Antwerp.
A city in Belgium.
Easy to reach with comfortable high speed trains.
In an hour and a half one can travel from Amsterdam to Antwerp.
The train even has WIFI.
And good coffee too.

The reason for the trip was to meet the publisher of the book "Sequences: the ultimate selection".
He and his wife live in a monumental house in the centre of Antwerp.
They also run a fine art photography gallery called "Galerie Baudelaire".
Showing very exclusive works of progressive and avant-garde artist photographers.

The welcome that was offered by the publisher was in the living room.
A bottle of cold champagne was opened to celebrate seeing each other again.
A reunion that was of warmth and friendship because the close relationship exists for over thirty years.
Based on mutual respect, appreciation and admiration.
That resulted in many books published.

Soon after the champagne there was a lunch in a nearby top restaurant.
Excellent food in a beautiful locale served by a stunning waitress from the Ukraine.
And of course a bottle of good French red wine was opened.

Until then no business was discussed.
Just personal stories that were entertaining.
Reporting on the latest developments in the personal life.

Only much later, returned to the house, the necessary aspects of the different enterprises performed together by the publisher and the photographer came up.
Quick, correct, in agreement and efficient.

Yesterday was also a lunch with a long time friend.
She owns and manages a company that organizes big events.
An extraordinary woman of great beauty.
The friendship flourishes for over twenty years.

It was the same pattern although the drinks were mint tea and orange juice.
Long conversations about the private lives.
Telling the most delicate details.
Confiding, trusting and sharing.
Only during the last part of the lunch business was discussed.
Things quickly put on their way.

We all know we live in a world that can be rough, impersonal and unromantic.
Especially in business one can have a hard time.
Because most people doing business have only one thing in mind: how to make the most money.
No matter how.
No matter the other person.

But there are exceptions.
Persons that have an incredible integrity.
Who have other norms and values higher than just making money.
Who have respect and honesty.
Who are islands in a rough sea.
Living on champagne and mint tea.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
To learn more about Galerie Baudelaire, click on:
http://www.galeriebaudelaire.be/

To learn more about event organizer "Caos", click on:
http://www.caos.nl/



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Tuesday, July 6, 2010

1 ball 22 guys

Now it is becoming a weekly national orgasm in the Netherlands.
Last night their soccer team won the semi-finals by beating Uruguay with 3 to 2.

On a large square not far from the current lodging about 40.000 people had gathered.
Most dressed in orange.
A gigantic screen with high quality image was erected and the soccer match was followed by all those people.
It was an amazing sight to see them in the setting sun.
Excited, exhilarated and peaceful together.
Exploding in a hurricane of joy when their players scored.

For hours after the match cars were driving in the streets of Amsterdam blowing their horns.
The drivers overwhelmed by joy that now the Dutch soccer team will play the final on Sunday.
Already they are the second best in the world.

Tonight is the other semi-final between Germany and Spain.
It is very likely that Germany will win.
Until now, they have played in this tournament in a most impressive way.
Fast soccer, intelligent, superb, smart, effective, courageous, highly skilled and determined.
Several matches they have won with big scores.

This is very contrary compared to how the Dutch team managed to get to the final.
Each match they did not play well.
They missed all those ingredients the Germans were having plentiful.
But somehow they managed.

So we will see two teams playing on Sunday for the World Cup of which one, the Netherlands, has managed to get there by not playing very well.
And if the opponent is Germany, a second team that has been playing in an excellent way.

Right now, this contradiction is not noticed in the Dutch press.
On TV and in newspapers they speak of Dutch victory as if they were already the World Champions.
Overwhelmed by something incredible: the last time a Dutch soccer team was in the final for the World Champion title was 34 years ago.

But it could become a cold turkey on Sunday.
If the Dutch do not improve and the Germans play as they did before, Holland will be drowned in tears.
Disappointed for years to come.
They will be beaten painfully.

However, if Germany reaches the final and the Dutch manage to beat them so they become the World Champion, it will be the happiest day in the lives of most Dutch people.
Because never before have they been the World Champion.
It will be historical.
To never forget.
While it is just one ball and twenty-two guys.



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Monday, July 5, 2010

This one and another

The photo project "The most beautiful people in the world" is quickly getting into higher speeds.
It is like a snowball rolling from a mountainside and getting bigger and bigger.

Somehow this project has a certain energy inside that attracts many people to get involved.
To be connected and to come along.

Within weeks the new website will open where the most beautiful people in the world will be presented in an amazing way.
This is the work of designer Teun van der Heijden: a brilliant artist who comes up with ways of presenting photography that are not only highly efficient, but super intelligent and greatly aesthetic as well.

Once the website is open, the book can be ordered.
A "De Luxe"-version in a nice box, signed and numbered, containing a museum quality print of buyer's choice for € 99 = $ 125.
Or the normal version of the book and this can be ordered for free.

A unique marketing and distributing system that as far is known never has been performed.
The reason why this marketing and distributing system has been developed is the nature of the project.
The photo project "The most beautiful people in the world" shows people worldwide, in ten different countries, that have found a positive and loving way of living life.
They are happy and peaceful people and are an example for society.
These people also influence their family, friends, the neighborhood, the village with their great attitude in life.
The photo project "The most beautiful people in the world" shows these people as a compensation for all the negative news we are bombarded with daily in the media.
To make us understand that the world is not only a terrible and dramatic place.
But that it also has its good sides made by certain people.
In order to get this message across and have peace, harmony and love shared with as many people as possible, the book is given away for free worldwide through the website.
No matter where one lives, what is one's income, the book is available.

To have people come to the website it is essential to have publicity.
To have stories in local and national newspapers of as many countries as possible.
This is one aspect of the photo project "The most beautiful people in the world" that gets much attention these days.
Contacting people that have been met performing the project.
And the fantastic part is that nobody needs to be convinced.
Everybody is so charmed by the message of the photo project "The most beautiful people in the world" and by the unique way of distributing, that immediately a positive response is the result.

A lot of time and energy is also invested now in setting up the distribution apparatus.
Once the requests for free books and "De Luxe"-editions are coming in, they need to be shipped.
And a solid financial way for people who wish to buy a "De Luxe"-edition must be set up.
While the preparations for the printing of the book, that will be done by an excellent Dutch printer called Slinger in Haarlem, are in a final stage.

These are days of excitement.
A project truly grows into a real big thing.
That happens only a few times in the career of an artist.
And therefore every moment of it is deeply enjoyed.

Nevertheless, today are negotiations with a publisher for yet another book.

The train kept a-rollin' all night long,
The train kept a-rollin' all night long,
The train kept a-rollin' all night long,
With a heave and a ho,
Well I just couldn't let her go.

The Yardbirds




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Sunday, July 4, 2010

Finally fray free

There has been a major change taking place in the life and as a consequence the status has switched to single.
This has an important impact although not in a negative way.

One of the positive effects is a rallying around of friends and family.
They are of great support and are very good in suggesting and convincing that the future is bright in spite of it all.
They call up.
They send messages.
They invite.
They care.

And then there is this cat.
In the temporary house in Amsterdam where now lodged, often a big red cat enters.
He comes and sits as if to give support, warmth and affection.
As if he knows this will help to reach in a comfortable way a new stage in life.





In fact, the new life in total freedom is enjoyed very much.
It has become simple and pure.
Focused now on those things that are really important and blissful.
To observe things in life occur in peace and harmony.

The rapids are behind and the floating in the river of life fray-free again.



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Saturday, July 3, 2010

In heaven are the Dutch

The Netherlands is a country now that is in a festive mood.
This is only because the Dutch soccer team managed to beat the Brazilian boys recently.

This is quite an achievement.
The Brazilians are the best and they have been several times the world champions.
By playing what is called "Samba soccer".
Light, brilliant, fast, flexible and heavenly soccer.

The team from the Netherlands did find a way to respond to this Samba-thing and won with 2 to 1.
While it could have easily been 3 to 1 or even 4 to 1.
That was how dominant and superior the Dutch were.

The current joy in the Netherlands comes also from the fact that the next opponent, in the half finals, is Uruguay.
The team of Uruguay is not considered very strong.
Besides, their top player is injured and not available.
The match against Uruguay, this Tuesday, is already seen as a walk over and the Dutch expect to play the final to decide who is the world champion.
That will be against Germany or Spain.
And the Dutch people have high hopes, after beating the giant Brazil, that they have a good chance playing Germany or Spain to become the best in the world.

This exhilaration and excitement can be very well noticed here in Holland.
Besides, the sun is shining and it is warm: beautiful weather.
Therefore it is unique to be in this country now.
The good and positive vibration lifts up any spirit that may be down.

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Friday, July 2, 2010

Existence is what you make of it

If a person who is in a relationship becomes physical violent towards the partner, a boundary is crossed.
It is a boundary that can be seen clearly because it is described in the civil law books of all countries in the world.
Physical violence is not accepted and tolerated and is punished.
That is the common way of thinking.
Described in the books of law.

But there is also another boundary that is crossed when committing physical violence.
To enter forbidden territory.
If two people are living together and one decides to become physical violent, the boundary is crossed from being in a loving and constructive way in a relationship to being in a not loving and destructive way in the relationship.

Of course, after the act of physical violence, the culprit usually realizes what terrible thing has been done.
And feels incredibly guilty.
For having broken the law.
And for having been destructive in the relationship fearing now that the partner will leave.

What can be observed is that the culprit enters a mode of denial.
Trying to make the performed violence look as a minor incident.
Minimizing the violence.
Offering explanations that serve to justify the agression.
Putting the responsibility for the violence on the other person.
Saying that the circumstances were forcing to be physical violent.
Denying to be an aggressive and violent person and telling it all happened by chance and not from within.

Denying responsibility for committed physical violence is preparing a new outburst soon.
That will be worse and more strong.
Denying keeps the aggression alive and potentially present and will be applied again when emotions get out of control.

When a person that performs physical violence in a relationship is closely observed one can see that there is in fact aggression, misbalance, dissatisfaction, opposition, irritation and obstruction in every aspect of the life of the culprit.
It is not that only on certain occasions a violent and aggressive person crosses boundaries.
The violent and aggressive person is constantly fighting with the whole of existence.
Even in the most little things.
A computer that is not immediately doing what it is instructed to do.
An administration that asks for documents to be filled in.
Technical developments we are confronted with.
Every of these and many other normal and daily things is for an aggressive and violent person a reason to be enraged, irritated, angry and disrupted.
Reason to shout and hysterically scream.
Reason to bang doors.
Reason to throw objects to the floor.

It is a sad life of being at war with existence.
While someone can also live in peace and in harmony with existence.
Because it is never existence itself that is good or bad.
Existence is what the person makes of it.
Making it a battlefield, including the relationship, what a violent and aggressive person does, is a dramatic and tragic life.
And no partner will eventually accept to share this kind of life.
Because he is drawn into the battle and will get wounded over and over again.
And he will see next to him existence being lived as a fight to feel the negative energy and vibrations that radiates from it.

In the end, violent and aggressive persons are alone.
Unable to have a loving, peaceful and harmonious relationship.
Until maybe one day they understand they should do something about it.
By getting help.
And help is not talking to a long time friend.
Who is too subjective and emotionally too involved.
Violent and aggressive persons need to find a psychologist or a psycho-therapist who is objective and neutral and who is specialized treating violent and aggressive persons.

The day a violent and aggressive person comes to understand something drastic should be done about it may never come.
Because it is very well realized that professional psychological treatment will involve an ultimate confrontation with the past.
And that is often assessed as more painful than being at war with existence.

But the partner that leaves the violent and aggressive person listens to the lyrics of this Madonna song:


You were my lesson I had to learn
I was your fortress you had to burn
Pain is a warning that something's wrong
I pray to God that it won't be long
Do you wanna go higher?

There's nothing left to try
There's no place left to hide
There's no greater power than the power of good-bye.




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Thursday, July 1, 2010

Professional help needed

When a man and a woman are living together it can be paradise.
They love each other, they care for each other, they support each other.
But rarely with couples it is peace all of the time.
Sometimes there are conflicts and arguments.

There is nothing wrong with this.
In fact, it can be even very healthy as it can make things more clear between the two lovers.
But this supposes that an openness remains and decency and respect.
The civilized attitude to always stay in the communication in a constructive and dignified way.

However, if one of the two has not evolved from attitudes children have, a healthy and prosperous relationship becomes hardly possible.

For example, when a couple has a disagreement and the way out is to have a conversation until a solution is found or new common ground, it will not help at all if during the discussion one is overwhelmed by emotions and runs away.
Stops all communication and leaves the other alone and with the burden to deal with someone that runs away.
To break off a conversation is not only disrespectful, it is counterproductive: it will not bring the couple closer together.
To the contrary: it makes a wound that is hard to heal.

There is another attitude that is most destructive for a relationship.
And this is when one of the two introduces physical violence.
If this happens, the very best one can do is to immediately stop the relationship.
And say goodbye forever to the culprit.
Because once physical violence is tolerated and accepted, it will happen again.
And each time it will be worse.
And then it hangs as a dark cloud above the relationship.
The violent one knows it is a tolerated option when angry.
And the receiver lives with the constant awareness that violence might take place again.
Awareness that can turn into fear.

But at the same time something happens when physical violence is tolerated.
The aggression obviously present in the violent person starts to be expressed in small actions in the daily life with the partner.
In words and deeds.
For example, when the violent person does not agree with something, the person can swing the door of a room as hard as possible so it closes with a bang waking up anybody in the house.
It is a demonstration of violence, disrespect and aggression that doesn't affect others directly, but it intimidates and it is deeply disturbing.
It is a childish behavior to bang doors when displeased but most of all it is another destructive, aggressive and intimidating act towards the partner.

One can learn to communicate if one has the discipline to remain within the communication.
But if someone has a violent personality, the relationship must stop and the violent person needs to find professional help.



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